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On January 20th 2017, the 45th President of the United States was inaugurated. On January 21st, millions marched around the world in protest. And within a week, it seemed, we started burning out on the sheer volume of garbage news that was being shoveled at us every day.

I like thinking about media consumption habits. The often unconscious choices we make about what we allow space in our brain say a lot about what that brain looks like in that moment, and if you get good enough at noticing those patterns, they can be canaries in the coal mine for your mood. I track my reading habits pretty closely on Goodreads, so it’s easy for me to notice when I’m on a streak or going through a dry-spell. For example: when I’m anxious, I read detective stories where there is a logical reason for events and the bad guys get caught in the end. When I’m depressed, I stop reading new fiction because I don’t want to be potentially disappointed in a new world I’ve put emotional investment into. When I’m angry, I read non-fiction in the hopes that if I just understand our world a little better I can get a little better at helping solve its problems. And when I’m feeling optimistic, I buy new dead-tree books. I’m normally an e-book reader and I only get physical copies of books that resonate with me in some way, so if I’m buying a physical copy of a new book it’s because I feel like I have space in my life for the potential of something wonderful.

I read 65 books in 2016. Some random numbers:

At least 1 female author: 54%
At least 1 PoC author: 18% (Yikes – I’ll have to do better about that)
Nonfiction: 29% (this is way higher than normal and I am v proud!)
Fantasy: 20%
Comic books: 14%
YA: 11%
Mystery: 11%
Sci-Fi: 8%
Literary: 8%

(This post first appeared on Medium.)

Is it okay to cry?

Yes.

Really? I’m not being too emotional?

No, really. Go ahead and cry. This is a fucked-up thing, and it would be weirder if you weren’t upset.

Donald Trump is President-elect of the United States of America.

This was a shock, but it was also not a surprise. It is always a mistake to underestimate the depth of bigotry.

I have spent most of the day staring off into nothing. I have not gone more than half an hour without tearing up or outright crying. I am already sick and tired of reading postmortems but I cannot stop clicking them like a hamster on speed, looking for something that could have saved you, could have saved us. I am angry at everybody. I am angry at everything. I want to tear shit up and burn things down. I want to disappear.